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Show me the Money! When I finally got fed up of trying to support a £30,000 monthly overhead without an overdraft facility, I set out to write a business plan to attract investors. My adviser, an ex merchant banker, said it was one of the most exciting BPs he’d ever read, and he was right, it was. “One thing missing though, Kate, is, er… numbers. There aren’t any.” Never one to let detail get in the way of aspiration, I explained patiently to him that numbers were a waste of space as the interactive entertainment industry was made up as we went along, and any figures would be a finger in the air and out of date within two weeks, which was basically true. But I humoured him, we added some numbers and it seemed to please everyone. Forward to 2008, when the sky was darkened by business plans being thrown out of windows as the banks crashed around us. Back to the finger in the air. Thank goodness we now have TV experts telling us how to run our businesses. Gods like dour Duncan Bannatyne and bossy Ruth Watson sashaying into our crumbling “stately” homes and soured paddling pools with sombre expressions and advice from the great book of the bleedin’ obvious. We thought that making a business successful was about P&L, good housekeeping, paying suppliers, keeping a tight rein on borrowing. Now we’ve all gone “creative” and “innovative”, the thinking is sky blue and the message is “paint it”. “Hoots, Mon! Ye canna de thaaa!!” Bawls Duncan at every turn. I think that’s what he said. If he was African with impeccably spoken English, we’d have subtitles on screen. When you’re on your knees, where does this money come from? Great Aunt Ada? A sock under the bed? Business plans, projections, risk factors, can go to hell if your bank says no. What’s the point of these programmes? With the majority of startups failing within the first three years, wouldn’t it be a good idea to show viewers what the reality of running a business really is when credit is impossible to get? Or would that be just too painful or tedious for the masses who like their TV “lite”? John Harvey Jones, your TV needs you..... PS: no, I never did get the overdraft. Not until we raised £2m, that is. Happy 10th Birthday, New Art Gallery Walsall In 1972 American sculptor Sally Garman and Wednesbury born Lady Kathleen Garman gave their personal art collection to Walsall Art Gallery. It contained work by, among others, Epstein, Monet, Van Gogh, Matisse and Constable and was described by the Daily Telegraph as “the finest personal collection outside London to be assembled in the twentieth century.” The collection was housed in Walsall’s EM Flint Art Gallery but conditions weren’t ideal, and to cut a long and inspiring story short, the New Art Gallery now houses the collection and is celebrating its tenth birthday this year. The Garman Ryan collection changed the course of my young life. If someone was prepared to give this breathtaking art to my home town, then I needed to know why. I started to study art, became a designer for industry, wrote a thesis on the collection with the assistance of Jo Digger and the staff at EM Flint, obtained a distinction and won a place at university. Rosie Millard, a London based arts critic, décolletage display merchant and wearer of a “lucky mini skirt” has recently questioned the funding of the New Art Gallery. She has “never read a single feature or review about a single exhibition at the New Art Gallery. Nor have I ever spotted any other piece about the joys of Walsall, by writers drawn to rhapsodise on it due to the presence of the New Art Gallery.” She considers Walsall “somewhat out of the way” (of London, presumably) and thinks that the Millennium Commission should have considered that fact before handing over “£15m of public money” for the building. By her own admission, Rosie racked up a personal overdraft of £40,000 by spending it on clothes and cappuccini. With her bank accounts frozen, she then wrote a weekly column on how she was attempting to pay it back. She recently bought a £1m Georgian house at auction without funds to pay for it, the little madam. To owners of established businesses pleading with their banks for an overdraft facility, or the reinstatement of an existing one and having their request refused, this fact alone hurts. Because Rosie and her free-spending credit rich fraternity contributed heavily to the financial situation we are in now. Rosie doesn’t want us to have our spirits lifted and our lives affirmed by great art. That’s for others. Show her your contempt by popping in this weekend, if only to see Walsall born and based Andrew Tift’s incredible portraiture. It will change your life. www.thenewartgallerywalsall.org.uk Straight Outta Compton It’s Official. Following Detroit, Accra, Seoul and Los Angeles, Wolverhampton is the Fifth Worst City in the World. We couldn’t even stagger into the top three. That’s the power of the internet! They chirrup. Post Christmas offers us the silly season, with journalists looking for a quick, light-hearted filler between fad diets and lunatic North Sea bathers. News reports on this non-story tell us that one “correspondent” (ie person with internet access giving unpaid opinion) on one website compares Wolverhampton to Ground Zero New York. No one “voted”. There was no “poll”. It’s not the opinion of Lonely Planet. But who do we blame? The lone voice who tastelessly recycled an old joke (comparing a city to a site where almost 3,000 people died); Lonely Planet, or the online, press and broadcast media for promulgating the story? Why should we care about the opinions of milksop micro bloggers pretending to be world travellers? Lonely Planet, a once respected travel guide, has been made to look stupid because of their inability to manage the media response after allowing the quote to be published on their website (Forum owners beware). Now, serious travellers should question the professional advice and opinions given in their publications. Lonely Planet should be encouraging people to open their minds and extend their horizons, instead of allowing bigots and gap yearers to tarnish their brand. If I painted a picture of faded glory, dereliction, scrappage-fit cars, an acute lack of inward investment and an indigenous population unable to develop their businesses or buy property, it wouldn’t make the top of any holiday destination list, but tourists flock to Havana because Lonely Planet tells them to. But If I wrote about a cosmopolitan city, where 300 languages are spoken, with multi-skilled craftspeople, good seats of learning, independent shops, great live music venues and theatres, vibrant with warm people, you just might want to visit Wolverhampton. Why rise to the bait? We need to differentiate between an ignorant back-bedroomer -- sorry, correspondent - bigged up in the media with a second hand, off-hand comment and researched, quantifiable writing published by experienced professionals. Finally, “travellers”, it’s not pavement cafes, hanging baskets, jugglers and riverside walks that make a city. People, in all their colours, make cities, define societies and create history the world over and you’d go a long way to find anywhere friendlier than Wolverhampton. I know, I’ve been a long way. Don’t bash this, save it for the region Anyone who has ever stood within five miles of me will know how I feel about the term “metal bashing”. I loathe this derogatory term for the dedication, skill and brilliance of men and women behind a creative industry that has defined our region, and consequently the rest of the world, for centuries. It’s also typical of the way people in Birmingham and the Black Country ridicule themselves, just in case someone else gets the first one in. And now we have another load of bashed metal to deal with, thanks to Burntwood man Terry Herbert of Bloxwich Metal Detecting Club. CNN World News thought it important enough to mention, The Wall Street Journal carried it front page and tens of thousands of people, travelling from all over the world, felt compelled to queue for up to four hours to see in all its dirt encrusted, filigreed glory. That’s the problem with bashed metal; it has this propensity to change history completely while making grown men cry. The desire to make objects has always been part of the human condition. From the achingly perfect garnet-filled hilt plates found just up the road, through the sleek lines of an E-type Jaguar to silversmith Robert Welch’s designs for Old Hall Tableware, Midlands metal bashing, in all its varied forms, continues to stop hearts and empty wallets. Behind me in the queue were two pierced girls and their hoodie boyfriends. For over two hours they quietly effed, smoked, gabbled and texted, and spoke of what they were about to experience. 16 year old Amy put it all into perspective. “They’d better keep it here. If you’re British, it’s your duty to come and see this. And it’s ours.” Amy and her friends deserve to be proud of where they come from. They also need to feel they have a future here, to feel inspired, positive and valued. Our governments must support R&D, encourage risk taking, the development of ideas and the need for tax breaks that other developed countries enjoy. This is how successful economies and societies are built. Our young will pay us back in a few years, by providing skills, talents, ideas and dedication and a safe, healthy and happy living environment for us, and them. To help keep this amazing treasure, and people like Amy and her friends, in our region you can donate online - "I don't like carpet"! When summer comes, our minds turn to travel. Unless you are me; my mind lives there most of the time, returning for several hours a day to work. Some of us are lucky enough to travel in our work; I’m not, so I spend my evenings enjoying the vicarious pleasures of the internet travel sites. Now that we are all officially published writers, and boy, don’t our opinions count, the message boards offer an invaluable insight into global travel and the sophisticated worldliness of the Western traveller. Some of our members may be thinking twice about taking a break this year. In which case, give yourself a good talking to, and consider what these poor unfortunate globetrotters have had to endure. Then get out there and share the load! I’ve removed the textspeak, spelling errors and bad grammar because we all get enough of that already. This one from a visitor to a 5* in Nice – “I had to keep my hotel window closed because of the noise from the parrots in the garden.” “The room had carpet in it. I don’t like carpet.” (4* hotel, Paris) “The music in the lift got a bit repetitive after a time.” (Hotel, Nice) “The pool was full of Spanish people.” (UK visitor to Spanish hotel) “I cannot recall the last time I used a rubber stopper (trans. plug –Ed) in a sink. Hey, it was even on a chain.” (US visitor to Italy) “The room had shutters, but someone must have built a wall over them.” (A windowless hotel in Hong Kong) “Porterage not available! Had to carry my own bags up two flights!!!” (US visitor to cheap central Rome pension) “The double bed was just two singles, attached.” (US visitor to Paris. Or anywhere in Europe, for that matter) “The main light didn’t even have a lightshade – just a paper bag with a picture of a lightbulb drawn on it.” (I have to admit I roared at that, before sending “my” idea off to IKEA) “The internet access was in a small, stuffy room with no windows.” (Serves you right, then) And finally, this from a hysterical twonk from the US who thinks life is on tap - “The hotel had...Wait for it!!!! No drinking water!!! That’s right, you had to ask for it, or buy a bottle!!!! YIKES!!!” (This no-star hotel was in Panama City). Bon Voyage! |
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